I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
