Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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