I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
