giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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