Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
