I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
