I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
