there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
