I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
