y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
