You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
