How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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