Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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