If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
