i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
