dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
