WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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