new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
