You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
