K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i think i just lost a toe
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
