You made me cry and you don't even care
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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