Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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