I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
