How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
