Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
