if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
