Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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