My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
