I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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