She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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