Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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