I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
