your parents love me but you hate me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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