I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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