shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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