i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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