brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
