i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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