woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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