I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
