My first STD was from a foam party
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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