My brain says no but my pants say off.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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