He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
