During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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