Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
