Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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