All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
