I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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