What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
