Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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