I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
