six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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